As a kid, you rip open that pack of baseball cards, searching for your heroes. We all dreamed that some day, we might star on our own baseball cards. Depending on the era in which you grew up and the area where you lived, you would probably be looking for those Musials, Aarons, Mays, Schmidts, Jeters, etc. These were legendary baseball stars! They had cool nicknames and those cards just shouted baseball player too. Take a look at a couple of vintage cards. You knew those guys were ball players at first sight and good ones at that.
Carl "The Reading Rifle" Furillo was a ball player!
Sal "The Barber" Maglie was a ball player!
Ted "Big Klu" Kluzewski was a ball player!!
Steve "Popeye" Garvey was a ball player!!!
However, sometimes you opened that pack to reveal an average guy. This guy looked like your dad's coworker, your next door neighbor or the mailman. This guy couldn't be a pro ball player...or could he? Baseball players were legends or heroes, not plumbers!
So, there you are. You have now fulfilled your dream and beaten all kinds of odds to reach the majors and there is the Topps photographer taking your picture for your very own baseball card. How exciting must that be for all those players. Certainly you have no say in what picture they choose, so then you wait to see if you make the set and what your card will look like. Sometimes the cards will not be real impressive because of the photograph or the design, but sometimes maybe you just don't look like a ball player "should look like"...
Enter Don "'Ears" Mossi. This poor guy has been the butt of ugly card jokes for his entire life. Born without movie star good looks, but to compound matters he has a set of ears that probably wouldn't look in place on anybody's head. That had to be rough growing up, but Topps could have hooked a brother up. His 1961 Topps card is a decent shot.
Given his physical features, Topps ran an "action" shot and it kind of hides this fact. However, they were not so kind on most of his other card appearances. Probably the worst coming at the end of his career. Photographed for his 1966 Topps card, the guy snapping pictures must have decided to send Mossi out with a bang. HELLO!!
The thing is, Mossi wasn't a bad ballplayer by his own right. He amassed over 100 wins and made the All-Star squad once, playing for some less than stellar AL teams from 1954-1965. Be proud Mr. Mossi. Most of us never made it past Little League and certainly we don't have our own Topps baseball cards. You are as much a legend as Mays, Mantle and Snider in that regard.
While on this topic, I recently came across a card that might rival those of Mossi. Lots of people have large ears. How many people though have a neck that rivals a Giraffe or a Geoduck Clam? It appears that Mr. Parsons didn't really have a nickname to speak of, and perhaps this is the camera deceiving us a bit with a bad angle, but look at the neck on this guy! Tom "Geoduck" Parsons would certainly have fit, at least for this photograph!
Mr. Mossi and Mr. Parson, you are not alone sirs. As much as we hold in high regard those legends on cardboard, we too enjoy all the other cards that are a reminder of our youth, even if that is with a twist of humor.
Can't leave out the infamous Oscar Gamble at this point...